R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
