We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
