**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
