apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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