Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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