I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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