is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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