when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
