Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
