I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
