I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
