I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
