I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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