have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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