there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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