i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
