Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
