i can't believe i had my finger in that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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