very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
