Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
