you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
