Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
