omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
