the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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