I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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