whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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