So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
