just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
