We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
