Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
