My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
