Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
