Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
