Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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