im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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