So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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