Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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