It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
