I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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