Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
