remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
