I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
