So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
