Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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