Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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