Life is so much better after having sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize