I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
