Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
