Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
