Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
