the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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