I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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